As the weekend approaches, we leave workers’ compensation behind for a brief respite. I have to warn you. This week’s collection of absurd stories is not for the faint of heart. This week involves drugs, hot watches, body cavity searches and very strange injections. Proceed at your own risk. When we’re done, you’ll be happy to re-immerse yourself in the insular world of workers’ comp. It is scary out there.
This week we have a man who appears to be renting out his rectum as a storage locker, a woman who has opened a jewelry shop in a different body cavity, and a dude who thought he could fix his back pain by injecting his own special sauce…. Shall we begin?
A Clearwater, FL man was arrested last week, and as he was being booked into Pinellas County Jail, deputies were surprised to find that he was holding 3 syringes in his rectum. He told them they weren’t his.
That is certainly plausible. I suppose he was holding them for a friend. That’s what friends are for. Or he was renting the space to generate a little extra cash.
Deputies were conducting a strip search when he “removed three syringes from his rectum” and gave them to a deputy saying, “they were not his.”
If only that guy was as sharp as the objects he possessed.
He was originally arrested on outstanding drug warrants. He was also charged with introducing contraband in a county detention facility. He is being held in jail in lieu of $5,000 bail. Too bad that little side business is no longer available to him. He could use the dough.
Next up is my favorite story if only for the ancillary facts surrounding it. In some ways, it is a classic love tale. Man meets woman. Man takes woman to hotel. Man steps into shower to freshen up, woman runs away with bag full of expensive Rolexes.
Okay, I didn’t say it was a perfect classic love tale. This classy Florida gal (of course, it would be Florida), who sports a tattoo on her left arm that reads “Whore,” was tracked down by police and arrested outside the Tally Ho Tailors in Miami.
I did mention the fun ancillary facts, didn’t I?
Police say they recovered one Rolex at the scene and that after her arrest she spit, banged her head, stomped windows and bit officers.
Sounds like a very pleasant woman. I can see the attraction for the man. But the real coup de grâce in this story (in this context that should be pronounced “coop-duh-grassy”) is that upon a strip search in the jail, she was found to be hiding 4 more Rolexes in her vagina.
Kind of brings an entirely new meaning to the phrase, “If you have the time, I have the place.”
She was charged with grand theft, resisting an officer with violence, possession of cocaine and battery. She was also charged with criminal mischief after she urinated on the floor of her holding cell.
Like I said, classy gal.
We are not sure, but she may also be cited by the city for operating an unlicensed jewelry store, along with numerous zoning violations.
And finally this week, an Irish Medical Journal is reporting that a man had to be hospitalized after he tried to treat his back pain by injecting himself with his own semen.
The 33-year-old man had a history of chronic lower back pain, and “complained of severe, sudden onset of lower back pain three days after he reportedly lifted a heavy steel object.” He later revealed that he “gave himself intravenous shots of his own semen as a way to treat his back pain.”
Would that process be called an injectulation?
The journal reports he ‘devised the “cure” independent of any medical advice, and revealed he had injected himself with a monthly “dose” of semen for 18 consecutive months, using a hypodermic needle he bought online, and in this occasion, the man gave himself three “doses” of semen.’
I think I now know why his back hurt all the time (It’s a mental visual I won’t go into).
Clearly, he did not think this through. I suppose that would make these premature injectulations.
Doctors found that the semen had leaked into soft tissues around the injection site. He was given intravenous antimicrobial treatment, but it was reported he “left hospital without draining the wound.”
Ick.
This guy doesn’t sound too bright. He sounds like one of those people who we hope does not procreate and pass on his defective genes. In other words, we hope he doesn’t inject his semen into anybody else, if you get my drift.
And there we have it; your brief respite from the mundane every day. Workers’ comp isn’t looking that bad now, is it?