It was inevitable, I suppose. First, we saw the development of the mobile app “Bang a Friend”, a program that allowed for the rapid deployment of sexually transmitted diseases amongst mutual acquaintances. It worked by allowing a person to anonymously “tag” a person they presumably would like to “bang”. If that person tagged them back in a similar fashion, then the program would notify both parties of their mutual interest, the electronic wooing would be complete and the banging could commence.
Then we saw a similar concept proposed called “Bang a Professional”, that would presumably allow co-workers and business contacts to accomplish the same task, albeit at a more professional level. I wrote in excruciating detail about these programs just over a year ago, and I am too tired to recount the gory details again. You can read about those here.
Now, in a natural extension of hi-tech perversion, we learn of the newest app currently under development, “Wingman”, designed to get today's busy business traveler laid on a plane. This program allows users to be matched up based on flight number and date. It will also allow them to reveal “whether they're flying for business, pleasure or both,” as well as “their seat number and final destination if they so choose”. The idea is to allow parties with a mutual interest in joining the “Mile High Club” to meet each other mid-flight to accomplish that goal.
Ick.
I am not sure where to begin when pointing out potential drawbacks to this plan. First, the app should probably require people to declare whether they can actually fit in their seat. Many people can't and if they are unable to fit there by themselves, you'll never get two of them in the john. I don't know about the planes you fly on, but the commodes on my flights are not the most romantic places I see in my travels. The lavatory is shaped like a sumo wrestler with a bad back, and there is barely room for one – I have no idea how we could fit another person in there and accomplish any type of physical activity that wouldn't hurt someone. There is just no room. I have to open the door on the damn thing just to turn around; and trust me, on a full flight that is embarrassing enough.
And what of privacy? I am a regular Southwest Airlines flyer, and the absence of privacy curtains would make ingress and egress less than anonymous. I suspect the passengers would not accept the notion that you were going to help someone tie their shoe, or that they have a suspicious mole they would like an opinion on. No, I think the passengers and crew would have a pretty good idea that some hanky panky was being attempted, and that paramedics would likely soon be needed.
And I am not even touching on the sanitation around the entire concept; mostly because sanitation is generally non-existent. I don't want to sit in there by myself, let alone with somebody who may have a suspicious mole.
Finally, there is this, the biggest potential problem with this concept. Soon this app will be released, and on the very first flight 68 eager business men will discover that much to their dismay, no women have actually bothered to purchase it. For a statistical few that will not be a problem (not that there is anything wrong with that), but the rest will be left to sort out this mess all by themselves. I suspect it will not be pretty.
So there we have it, one step further down the rabbit hole as it were. Technology taking us places our social mores and in-flight lavatories were not designed to accommodate. For those interested in making complete fools of themselves mid-flight, there will soon be a stupid app for that.