Earlier this week Liz Carey authored an article on this site about a Pennsylvania man who shot at a cigar store employee and later engaged police in a shoot-out, all because he had been asked to wear a mask in the store. The man, who was shot numerous times in the buttocks, was arrested and charged with 22 counts, including attempted homicide, aggravated assault and robbery (he had grabbed two cigars and left without paying after shooting at the employee). His lawyer says that “he was not handling the pandemic well.”
And I thought, “What was your first clue?”
How are we to know if someone is not handling a pandemic in the most yankee-doodle-ish of fashions? What can we use as a guide, perhaps to avoid conflict or getting shot by someone who seems to be struggling with the challenges of current times? It is a valid question, as stories of violence against employees have cropped up all across the country. And as reasonable as it might sound to some to shoot an hourly employee over a mask mandate for which they have zero control, it really is not a rational thing to do. I don’t care if you are pro-mask or anti-mask, causing bloodshed over the issue is wrong, not to mention it creates a great deal of paperwork for people already dealing with their own issues.
So, in the tradition of community service that this blog fully embraces on a daily basis, we offer today the Top Ten Ways You Can Tell You Are Not Handling a Pandemic Well.
You’re welcome.
- You become accustomed to working every day in your underwear, even though you are not home based and have been reporting to the office daily.
- You find yourself with an uncontrollable urge to slap anyone you see wearing a mask.
- You find yourself with an uncontrollable urge to slap anyone you see NOT wearing a mask.
- You find yourself with an uncontrollable urge to slap anyone you see.
- You find yourself screaming at your children, saying, “If I have to stop this car someone is going to get a beating” – while you are sitting in your living room.
- Your home-schooling curriculum now includes “The Survivalists Guide to Armageddon.”
- You are more concerned with the shortage of ammunition than you are the scarcity of toilet paper.
- You refuse to turn on your camera during Zoom meetings because “they” might be watching.
- Someone asks how you are doing, and you respond with “Why? Who wants to know?”
And finally, the top way you can tell you are not handling a pandemic well,
- You shoot at someone over a mask request, then engage the police in a shootout, get shot numerous times in the buttocks, and get arrested and charged with 22 counts, including attempted homicide, aggravated assault and robbery.
And there you have it. If you find yourself identifying with any of these warning signs, please seek help immediately. But I should warn you, there is a good chance any therapist you see is going to ask you to wear a mask.
And that might get ugly.