Just when the year is winding down and you think you’ve heard everything, we offer one more tidbit of inanity to show that no matter how stupid you think people can be, there is someone out there willing to prove that the boundaries of brainlessness are virtually unlimited. Not to mention, we couldn’t end the year without a story of an office holiday party near death experience, now could we?
In Utah last week, a man attending his office holiday party was rushed to the hospital after he chugged an entire quart of non-alcoholic eggnog in 12 seconds as part of a competition at the event. He admits to “being talked into it” as he was leaving the party with his family, also admitting to being “pretty competitive”. He was quoted as saying, “I just decided I was going to win. So I pretty much just opened it up and poured it down my throat.”
He shaved 10 seconds off the previous office eggnog chugging record and won himself a $50 gift certificate to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. He also won a full day in the ICU and two more days recovering in the hospital after taking seriously ill later in the day. Doctors speculate that he accidentally poured some of the eggnog down his windpipe, triggering a severe bout of pneumonia.
It will be no surprise to many executives reading this that this guy works in Sales.
As tempting as it would be to simply declare this guy to be the “Dumbass of the Day” and move on, I simply cannot do so. Quite honestly, while this fellow will likely not be awarded any MacArthur Foundation Grants anytime in the foreseeable future, the true dumbass of this saga is the doofus supervisor who sanctioned an eggnog chugging contest at an office holiday party. I mean, seriously, that just has “great idea” written all over it. If this was considered a mandatory event, held in the office during work hours, than our eggnog inhaling sales wizard may have a valid workers’ compensation claim against his employer. If they bought the eggnog and that $50 gift certificate, I would say those items aren’t the only thing the company now owns.
That will probably also depend on the players involved actually being aware of rights and responsibilities pertaining to workers’ compensation. Our intrepid sales dude may not be aware of this potential option, and has just absorbed the costs of the hospitalization or related deductibles and co-payments. If that is the case, then he just might be the Dumbass of the Day after all.
Of course, if Utah has some special exemption I am not aware of regarding the coverage of eggnog chugging contests during in-office holiday celebrations, than the Dumbass of the Day just might be me. Wouldn’t be the first time that happened, and certainly won’t be the last. After all, pushing the boundaries of brainlessness is what I do.
Without that mission, we would never be treated to perennial classics like The Near Death of a Salesman.